Heybabeimwearingurpanties
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
