And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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