perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
