i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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