Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
