I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
