the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
