This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
