I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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