never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
