i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
