I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
