Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
