thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Randomize
