Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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