Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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