and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
