When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
