I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
