he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
