so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
