I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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