It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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