I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
