They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
