I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
