I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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