he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i think my tv is drunk
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
