I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I think i got beer on your cat.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
