Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I need moral support for this bender
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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