Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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