he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
