Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
