I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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