I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
