oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
