he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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