Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
