I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
