I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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