dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
there is puke in my bra ... again
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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