You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
