My sheets look like a crime scene.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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