Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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