All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we have pet lesbian snakes
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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