So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
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