its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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