its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
