God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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