I smell stomach acid.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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