im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
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