And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
