Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
