I'm really into asian looking animals
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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