I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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