Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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