So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
