is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
