UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
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