waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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