Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
