Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
