Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize