Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
