I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
