but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I came so hard my ears popped.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
